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Doing some thinking
Today I read a very interesting post Fandom and Male Privilege and it made me do some thinking, because for the most part I just accept things the way they are and sure I'm outspoken and don't keep my opinions to myself, but I did get married recently and I did end up taking my husband's last name. Though if I had known at the time how much paperwork was involved with changing your name I would have stuck with my maiden name.
but the point is I do have friends that married and kept their maiden names and I didn't give it a second thought to change my name to my husband's. I just wonder what that says about me? I like to them I'm a feminist, but sometimes I feel like a fake feminist because I just do the things I want to do and I only notice "oppression" when something stands in my way. Like having a "possibly" harder time finding a job because I'm married and don't have kids yet. (really I've heard rumors that some companies don't like to higher women who may have kids) Anyway maybe I'm just using that as an excuse for why I'm having a tougher time finding a job when the reality is there is a good chance my resume really sucks and my college degree is next to worthless.
the thing is I don't think my husband would have minded me keeping my maiden name, I just thought it was kind of romantic to take his last name and a sign of my commitment to him and that because we have the same last names legally, we're really a family. Though I guess that sounds kind of silly saying it like that because I know you can be family even if you don't share the same last name. Basically, I didn't give it any thought until after the fact, so now I feel like I'm contributing to the oppression of women by following the dictates of this male dominated society.
I think I might be overthinking this.
but the point is I do have friends that married and kept their maiden names and I didn't give it a second thought to change my name to my husband's. I just wonder what that says about me? I like to them I'm a feminist, but sometimes I feel like a fake feminist because I just do the things I want to do and I only notice "oppression" when something stands in my way. Like having a "possibly" harder time finding a job because I'm married and don't have kids yet. (really I've heard rumors that some companies don't like to higher women who may have kids) Anyway maybe I'm just using that as an excuse for why I'm having a tougher time finding a job when the reality is there is a good chance my resume really sucks and my college degree is next to worthless.
the thing is I don't think my husband would have minded me keeping my maiden name, I just thought it was kind of romantic to take his last name and a sign of my commitment to him and that because we have the same last names legally, we're really a family. Though I guess that sounds kind of silly saying it like that because I know you can be family even if you don't share the same last name. Basically, I didn't give it any thought until after the fact, so now I feel like I'm contributing to the oppression of women by following the dictates of this male dominated society.
I think I might be overthinking this.
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If you changed your name because you want to, for reasons of your own, whatever they are, you're not contributing to the oppression of women. You're making a choice, which is what it's all about.
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The problem with last names, I think, comes up when women choose to keep their last name, and that choice isn't respected. Or when they feel they want to keep their name, but don't because of societal and other pressures.
It's all about the freedom and choice to do what you want with your name, and as long as you're doing that, you're fine. It's just like my BFF, who's planning on being a housewife; good for her, and it has no effect on my career plans.
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But in the two latter examples, we're talking about our effect on society, or society's effect on us; it goes beyond personal choice to reate an unhealthy or hostile environment.
But simply becoming a housewife? Wearing heels you hate because guys like them? Taking your spouse's last name? Personal choices you should make, because they don't affect anyone but you.
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I get frustrated when I see women wearing, well it's hard to call it clothing, because it barely covers anything....but I just feel that it makes it harder for men to take the rest of the women who don't dress like that seriously. I've had guys underestimate me when playing online games because they didn't think a woman could strategize or build ships, or manage their economy well enough to win the game. Of course I used it against them too. but I hate when guys talk down to me just because I have breasts instead of a dick.
As for women that feel they need to go to extremes to "catch" themselves a guy....I kind of feel sorry for them. but I also don't like when they defend that their men should get paid more than women doing the same job. Sometimes I think women are more anti-feminist than men. I saw a special about the Citadel that kind of scared me. It wasn't just the men that wanted to keep women out, it was women too.
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Honestly, I don't even have a problem with the hootchie wear. I know the real-life result can be the loss of respect, but the guy would still be the one in the wrong for that.
Sometimes I think women are more anti-feminist than men.
Oh gosh yes. Some women, who get threatened easily.
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Eventually I'd like to change my entire name to a variation on my screen name. It's not a feminist thing, but a "me" thing; I'm my own person, not "Khar, daughter of Andy and Cecilia" or "Khar, daughter-in-law of Rick and Donna." At this point most of the people in my life call me Khar or Khara both on and offline, so it's not a huge jump.
Kharessa
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I may or may not change my name when I get married; my last name is Jekel (pronounced Jekyll), and the older I get the more I enjoy the literary allusion that goes along with it instead of being annoyed with it, so who knows? All I do know is that if I marry a man named Hyde, I'm hyphenating. And quite possibly getting a doctorate, just to capitalize on the pun. ;-)
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I think the odds of you finding some with the last name that sounds like hyde are pretty slim but that would be really great. :) lol
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And yeah, people have trouble spelling my name too--not because it's so difficult, but because there are so many preconceptions of how it should be spelled. *grin* We get Jeckel, Jekyll, Jaeckel (as in Richard, the actor), Jekyll, Jeckle (as in Heckle and)...you get the idea. *g*
Fandom and Male Privilege
(Anonymous) 2005-11-12 12:57 am (UTC)(link)I´m very impressed with the essey Fandom and Male Privilege, thank you for pointing it out to us out here. The author says everything I ever wanted to say on the subject.
About the name, I agree that as long as women know that they have a choice their decission is their own. You can be a feminist and take your husbands name, just like you can be a stay at home mom and be a feminist, it is all about having choices.
I won´t be taking my husbands name, but then I´m Icelandic and it would be really silly since 99,99% of us don´t have surnames but patronimics. There is just no way around it, I´m nobody´s son.
I used to think it was awfully romantic to get married and take your husbands last name, and it can be, it comes down to... choices. The last thing we need is women feeling quilty about taking their husbands last name or staying at home with their children if they can, that´s so not what feminisim is all about.
Dagbjört
tisalitla@gmail.com
Re: Fandom and Male Privilege
I also agree with what you say about choices. I'm not sure how women's rights are in western Europe, Australia, Iceland, or New Zealand but it was great to get your perspective on this.