complaint fest
Jul. 21st, 2004 03:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amalthiaI think i'm a coward...this last week I've been job searching and filling out applications, creating my resume, submitting it. During this whole process I feel scared. I'm not sure if it's fear of failure, or fear of sucess. If I suceed all the jobs I've found sound like they require a lot of responsiblity and work and I'm worried that I would not be up to the task. I think I might be a little lazy. Just filing out the applications, fills me with dread.
Most of the jobs I've found, I'm only half qualified for and it's rather frustrating that I can't find anything that matches my skills or my degree for that matter. I feel like a real dumb-ass. I went to college and I think I got a degree that is rather worthless. The only smart thing I did was stick with my job at the Student Learning Assistance Center for 3 years.
It seems like all I'm qualified for is website design and maybe fixing computers. And most jobs in this field want a hell of a lot more than what I know. :(
I don't know what happened to me? it's like overnight I lost confidence in my abilities and my chance to make a good future for myself and Tom. I don't want to be completely dependent on anyone. I don't want to end up like most of my female cousins. :( I'm wondering if I feel this scared because of a personality defect all my own, or if being sexually abused damaged me in more ways than I thought?
I'll admit in my weaker moments, I just want to quit, because if I quit ahead of time then I would not have failed at achieving my goal.
However, the practical side of me is reminding me that Abe Lincoln failed at almost everything he tried, and he eventually became president. I just hope by the time I show up for job interviews my confidence will have returned. Right now I just need to get on the ball and keep filling out applications and sending out my resume.
I'm even applying for the US Postal Service, though my mom says they prefer retired military. :( grrr
I think if I knew for sure what I wanted to do I could focus my search. As it is, I feel like a cotton ball in the wind.
Most of the jobs I've found, I'm only half qualified for and it's rather frustrating that I can't find anything that matches my skills or my degree for that matter. I feel like a real dumb-ass. I went to college and I think I got a degree that is rather worthless. The only smart thing I did was stick with my job at the Student Learning Assistance Center for 3 years.
It seems like all I'm qualified for is website design and maybe fixing computers. And most jobs in this field want a hell of a lot more than what I know. :(
I don't know what happened to me? it's like overnight I lost confidence in my abilities and my chance to make a good future for myself and Tom. I don't want to be completely dependent on anyone. I don't want to end up like most of my female cousins. :( I'm wondering if I feel this scared because of a personality defect all my own, or if being sexually abused damaged me in more ways than I thought?
I'll admit in my weaker moments, I just want to quit, because if I quit ahead of time then I would not have failed at achieving my goal.
However, the practical side of me is reminding me that Abe Lincoln failed at almost everything he tried, and he eventually became president. I just hope by the time I show up for job interviews my confidence will have returned. Right now I just need to get on the ball and keep filling out applications and sending out my resume.
I'm even applying for the US Postal Service, though my mom says they prefer retired military. :( grrr
I think if I knew for sure what I wanted to do I could focus my search. As it is, I feel like a cotton ball in the wind.