Home Sick and Feeling like a Loser
Feb. 9th, 2004 02:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amalthiaOkay well as the subject says I'm still sick and since I'm still a subsitute and living at home with my parents again, I decided there is no pressing reason for me to torture myself for a few extra dollars.
However, last night my mom said something that bothered me a lot and made me question myself as a person and it's part of the reason I feel like a big loser.
She said, I should have still gone to work all last week even though I was coughing my lungs and and couldn't even really speak because 1. I'd start coughing and 2. my throat hurt like hell from all the coughing. Now I thought originally that it would be prudent to stay home and rest and get well as fast as possible so when I did go back to work I would be more alert and able to talk, which is actually very important if you are subbing. How else are you going to tell the students what tasks the teacher left for them. And in Elementry school you really have to be able to talk. Because the kids honestly need more help and they have lines for everything.
So keeping all this in mind I stayed home thinking I made the right decision.
Then my mom comes along and shakes my reasoning. Is it true that in the "real" world if you are sick and stay home a day or two you'd get fired??? It seems stupid to let sick people go to work and infect everyone else. I mean I know there is a difference between allergies and being sick sick.
I don't know maybe I'm still living in a fantasy world, where sick people are allowed to stay home and recover.
So now I sort of feel like a bum. I always thought I had a good work ethic and now I'm doubting myself.
Then to top it all off (because I like to complain) ^_^ I finally had a chance to look at other people's live journals and realized their's are more fun to read than mine.
Like Juxian Tang has stories posted, cool links, recommendations to stories and lots of other nifty stuff that makes visiting her journal a lot of fun. and she's not the only one out there with an interesting journal. Rhysenn has a neat journal, I really like Rushlight's as well, and Dark Godess a friend of mine. She has nifty quizes on hers.
And then to make me even more jealous some of the women out there really know how to decorate their journals too!!!
So basically I need to figure out if I want to keep writing in this journal like I would write in a regular journal or try to get more involved with the Live journal community or maybe actually start trying to write a bit. (horrible case of writers block since I moved back home)
Or maybe I should just be myself and not force anything. Do I really have time to become involved in an online community?? Probably not, but i'd really like to be. I missed out on a chance to go to Escapade this year and I would have loved to go just to meet fellow slashers and talk about slash with people in real life. Or share my love of RoTK with people who won't think i'm crazy.
My mom said something else that deeply disturbed me. I'm planning on going to law school and I've hoped that someday I'll be a good enough lawyer to work for the ACLU and work towards making the United States less of a discriminating place to live. Whether I'm helpign with Gay Rights or Women's Rights, or Environmental Laws. I just know if I went through the effort to become a lawyer someday I'd want to do some good with the degree.
Last night while we were eating somehow our conversation moved to the Mass. SC decision about gay marriage. I expressed how glad I was they said the state cannot deny same-sex couples the right to marry. And my mom pretty much said I need to learn to keep my opinions to myself if I ever want to work in America and make money. Because my opinion that gay people should have the right to marry could get me fired. And if as a lawyer I decided to represent a gay client then no law firm would want to hire me for siding with a client who is homosexual. My mom and brother both said the only time I should start working towards helping minorities was after I finished my career and already retired. And that by supporting unpopular opinions my sister and brother's future careers can be damaged too!
I was quite shocked at this belief and it made me wonder if my mom can think this way, then chances are there are many other americans who think this way too. And if I ever did start working I definately can't tell anyone what I really think because it'll mean I'd either get fired or no one will want to promote me because I support unpopular views.
Basically the whole conversation depressed me, because I do try to stay optomistic and believe the best about the future of the United States and hoping for a day when everyone will have the same rights and my mom just brings it all crashing down.
I felt like an idealistic fool by the end of the dinner.
However, last night my mom said something that bothered me a lot and made me question myself as a person and it's part of the reason I feel like a big loser.
She said, I should have still gone to work all last week even though I was coughing my lungs and and couldn't even really speak because 1. I'd start coughing and 2. my throat hurt like hell from all the coughing. Now I thought originally that it would be prudent to stay home and rest and get well as fast as possible so when I did go back to work I would be more alert and able to talk, which is actually very important if you are subbing. How else are you going to tell the students what tasks the teacher left for them. And in Elementry school you really have to be able to talk. Because the kids honestly need more help and they have lines for everything.
So keeping all this in mind I stayed home thinking I made the right decision.
Then my mom comes along and shakes my reasoning. Is it true that in the "real" world if you are sick and stay home a day or two you'd get fired??? It seems stupid to let sick people go to work and infect everyone else. I mean I know there is a difference between allergies and being sick sick.
I don't know maybe I'm still living in a fantasy world, where sick people are allowed to stay home and recover.
So now I sort of feel like a bum. I always thought I had a good work ethic and now I'm doubting myself.
Then to top it all off (because I like to complain) ^_^ I finally had a chance to look at other people's live journals and realized their's are more fun to read than mine.
Like Juxian Tang has stories posted, cool links, recommendations to stories and lots of other nifty stuff that makes visiting her journal a lot of fun. and she's not the only one out there with an interesting journal. Rhysenn has a neat journal, I really like Rushlight's as well, and Dark Godess a friend of mine. She has nifty quizes on hers.
And then to make me even more jealous some of the women out there really know how to decorate their journals too!!!
So basically I need to figure out if I want to keep writing in this journal like I would write in a regular journal or try to get more involved with the Live journal community or maybe actually start trying to write a bit. (horrible case of writers block since I moved back home)
Or maybe I should just be myself and not force anything. Do I really have time to become involved in an online community?? Probably not, but i'd really like to be. I missed out on a chance to go to Escapade this year and I would have loved to go just to meet fellow slashers and talk about slash with people in real life. Or share my love of RoTK with people who won't think i'm crazy.
My mom said something else that deeply disturbed me. I'm planning on going to law school and I've hoped that someday I'll be a good enough lawyer to work for the ACLU and work towards making the United States less of a discriminating place to live. Whether I'm helpign with Gay Rights or Women's Rights, or Environmental Laws. I just know if I went through the effort to become a lawyer someday I'd want to do some good with the degree.
Last night while we were eating somehow our conversation moved to the Mass. SC decision about gay marriage. I expressed how glad I was they said the state cannot deny same-sex couples the right to marry. And my mom pretty much said I need to learn to keep my opinions to myself if I ever want to work in America and make money. Because my opinion that gay people should have the right to marry could get me fired. And if as a lawyer I decided to represent a gay client then no law firm would want to hire me for siding with a client who is homosexual. My mom and brother both said the only time I should start working towards helping minorities was after I finished my career and already retired. And that by supporting unpopular opinions my sister and brother's future careers can be damaged too!
I was quite shocked at this belief and it made me wonder if my mom can think this way, then chances are there are many other americans who think this way too. And if I ever did start working I definately can't tell anyone what I really think because it'll mean I'd either get fired or no one will want to promote me because I support unpopular views.
Basically the whole conversation depressed me, because I do try to stay optomistic and believe the best about the future of the United States and hoping for a day when everyone will have the same rights and my mom just brings it all crashing down.
I felt like an idealistic fool by the end of the dinner.
freedom of speech
Date: 2004-02-10 01:10 am (UTC)It is really sad I wasn't there on your table or I would have told you mom that what she says was the reason million of jewish people had to die in Germany, because everyone only saw his own advantage and that it would be bad for him if he would stand up and defend minorities.
Don't get me wrong. If you search for a law firm to hire you and you tell them you want to help changing Gay Rights, Women's Rights, or Environmental Laws you wont get the job. But I hope if someone comes and asks for your help you don't turn him down because he is not a white male, but belongs to a minority.
-Dago-
P.S. If you want we can talk more about this topic next time we chat.