Lazy vs Unmotivated
May. 13th, 2004 09:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amalthiaLately, life has sucked. On some levels things are going okay, but for the last 3 days my grandparents have been staying at our home in Belton, and I love my grandparents but I can't wait for them to leave.
If I have to hear how lazy I am for another time I feel like I will scream. all my mom and grandmother seem to do is talk about me, while I'm there at the dinner table for example.
right now I have a job and I'm making about 400 a month (about 60 dollars more now than what I made in college each month) And neither my grandmother nor my mom have anything positive to say about me. :(
So I feel even more discouraged, because lets face it I take things personally. I'm way too sensitive and I really do let people's opinions of me matter.
I'm trying to figure out if I really am lazy or not. I know I managed to work hard in college taking 18 hours and working 20 hours a week. I know I can do the work, but maybe my problem isn't that I'm lazy, just unmotivated because I don't know what I want to do?
I had already decided months ago that I'll start looking for something better this summer since I can't substitute anymore since everyone is out of school for summer break.
I feel like I have things under control, paying my bills, helping around the house, so why is my mom saying I'm lazy? Just because I haven't sent out resumes yet? I think what my mom really wants is for me to leave home ASAP. She doesn't even like my brother living at home, even though he's going to college and driving to school. However, I get the feeling that once we move out she'll want us to come back and visit.
On Tuesday I talked to my sister about this and she said, don't ask mom for advice and try not to listen to her. Apparently my sister is still holding a grudge from the last time mom visited her, and my mom told my sister's roommate, "Oh you must be the one who cleans the apartment. Jessica is so dirty."
And that was the first insult. I imagine my mom tells people, "Jessica is the messy one, and Sharon is the lazy one. Justin beats sharon in laziness but he at least is useful for carrying heavy items."
sure I may not have a job yet that pays 30,000 a year...but I don't think I'm in the completely helpless category yet.
so between my grandmother roaming around the house telling everyone what they need to do...and my mom saying "going to have to kick the kids out soon" I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't get what we do that is so annoying my mom can't stand living with us anymore. :(
I feel very immature and young living at home, I think that's enough motivation for me to leave home ASAP. I'm afraid if I don't get out of here soon, I'll suffer irreparable psychological damage.
If I have to hear how lazy I am for another time I feel like I will scream. all my mom and grandmother seem to do is talk about me, while I'm there at the dinner table for example.
right now I have a job and I'm making about 400 a month (about 60 dollars more now than what I made in college each month) And neither my grandmother nor my mom have anything positive to say about me. :(
So I feel even more discouraged, because lets face it I take things personally. I'm way too sensitive and I really do let people's opinions of me matter.
I'm trying to figure out if I really am lazy or not. I know I managed to work hard in college taking 18 hours and working 20 hours a week. I know I can do the work, but maybe my problem isn't that I'm lazy, just unmotivated because I don't know what I want to do?
I had already decided months ago that I'll start looking for something better this summer since I can't substitute anymore since everyone is out of school for summer break.
I feel like I have things under control, paying my bills, helping around the house, so why is my mom saying I'm lazy? Just because I haven't sent out resumes yet? I think what my mom really wants is for me to leave home ASAP. She doesn't even like my brother living at home, even though he's going to college and driving to school. However, I get the feeling that once we move out she'll want us to come back and visit.
On Tuesday I talked to my sister about this and she said, don't ask mom for advice and try not to listen to her. Apparently my sister is still holding a grudge from the last time mom visited her, and my mom told my sister's roommate, "Oh you must be the one who cleans the apartment. Jessica is so dirty."
And that was the first insult. I imagine my mom tells people, "Jessica is the messy one, and Sharon is the lazy one. Justin beats sharon in laziness but he at least is useful for carrying heavy items."
sure I may not have a job yet that pays 30,000 a year...but I don't think I'm in the completely helpless category yet.
so between my grandmother roaming around the house telling everyone what they need to do...and my mom saying "going to have to kick the kids out soon" I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't get what we do that is so annoying my mom can't stand living with us anymore. :(
I feel very immature and young living at home, I think that's enough motivation for me to leave home ASAP. I'm afraid if I don't get out of here soon, I'll suffer irreparable psychological damage.
