Depression

[amalthia]

I think after two weeks of feeling anxious, insecure, lonely, sad, and loss of appetite I can safely conclude I may be depressed.

I'm not sure exactly what's causing these symptoms because nothing out of the ordinary has happened. My husband went on a brief vacation back to his home country but he's done that before and I was fine. I enjoyed having the place to myself for a few days. When my husband is home I feel like I can hold things together better but when it's just me...

I was able to read fic, watch TV, spend time with friends, and basically enjoy myself. Now I have panic attacks and then spend an hour crying uncontrollably in bed. I want to feel like myself again and I don't know what to do that I haven't already tried. I exercise, eat healthy, don't drink too much tea (1 cup of day), I call my family and friends to talk about my feelings, I go to bed on time. I'm not drinking or doing drugs and yet my moods go up and down.

I keep hoping the next day I'll feel like myself again and it's just not happening. I'm really hoping that maybe I got a bad batch of birth control pills because these last two weeks have been difficult.

Comments

[fayance]

I'm so sorry to hear that; feeling that way really sucks. I'm going through the same thing, I've been off work all summer and have to go back this week, and I'm about to come unglued, completely. Yesterday and today is just teacher prep days, tomorrow is when I get my new class of 4 yr olds and have to dive into it all again; but I feel so panicky and depressed and just downright crazy in my brain right now, and yesterday when the asst. director asked me very condescendingly if I'd managed to get my 'health concerns' under control over the summer, I just unleashed on her, not in a good way, either, sigh. She wasn't talking about my 'mental' health, only a bit, ha; I'm having tons of auto-immune and 'female' and peri-menopause problems, and right now I have no insurance and can't afford any, much less all the medical care I need. I TRIED to get on public assistance and was turned down, sigh. Anyway, I can't help it if I feel like crap, I still went in and did my job and my kids did great last year and many of my parents told the director so. And for the asst director to speak to me that way just pissed me off; I told her, "You know we don't get ANY pay when we're off for summer break; you know I take care of my daughter in summer and you know if I couldn't afford medical care during the school year, I certainly couldn't afford it when I had 8 weeks of no paychecks. Just because I had the TIME to go didn't mean I could afford to. Are YOU going to offer to pay for all the tests I need?" I didn't care if I was in my boss's face, she just really upset me. I told her if I realize I can't handle things this year, you and Daphne (the director) will be the first to know. You won't need to terminate me, I'll do it myself first. She rather lamely said, well she wasn't trying to be MEAN, she just wanted to warn me I have a rough class this year and they've put an autistic child in my room and they need me to be as 'healthy and energized' as I can be,blah blah. Well, after she went her way I got up and went to the bathroom and just cried; I really don't know if I can take this place one more year. I work at a freaking church for pity's sake but they are among the most UNChristian people I've ever worked for. I wish I COULD get medical care; my damned bladder is prolapsing all the time and bulges out of me when I pee, I'm gonna end up incontinent at this rate; I have thyroid problems, a stomach disease that's auto immune, and now this panic and depression and exhaustion...I HAVE to work but I just want to stay home like I did all summer; I just feel terrible and anxious and worried about money, etc. So I pray I can get my crap together for all these new kids; last year I lucked out and got a class that was so so good and such sweet kids, but this year they're all little wild things, according to my bosses. Great. Anyway, me hijacking someone's post to whine about ME...sorry, sigh. I do hope and pray you can find the cause of your depression and get your b.control adjusted and will start to feel better.

[amalthia]

It does help for me to listen to other people. Sometimes it's the best way to take my mind off my own problems. Don't worry about using my post as a way to express yourself and get things off your chest.

I also hope I'll feel back to normal soon.

Hugs.

[grey853]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It could be the hormones, but it could be something else more serious. If it continues, you might want to consider seeing a doctor. I know many people don't like to do that, but when you've got chronic depression, it's no sin to take medication to help level out the brain chemistry. When anxiety, panic, crying, feeling blue, that all impacts your life, then it might be time to look into it.

I've got several friends and family members who have been saved so much suffering because they were able to find the right medication. Sometimes it takes a few tries, but they've been very successful. Good luck.

[amalthia]

I've made an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'm hoping it is because hormones isn't exactly reassuring since I have a period every month. Thanks for listening. And for letting me know that the right medications can help.

[carose59]

I second the doctor recommendation. It's possible you're not getting enough sleep, or enough of the right kind of sleep. It's possible it's a hormonal thing.

And one thing you can do, right now, is to start writing about how you're feeling. You don't need to show it to anyone, just try to write every day. It helps get some of the pain out, and it can also clarify things, help you find out what's going on in your mind that you can't make sense of.

Good luck. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

[amalthia]

I'll try the writing thing. It may help me get things off my chest and maybe figure out what I'm really feeling.

[blnchflr]

I also hope you can seek professional help, if the things you are doing don't seem to make a difference. Best of luck, *hugs*.

If it makes any difference, I am always happy to see posts from you on my f-page. That isn't meant as pressure to get better and post moar, just I appreciate your posts :)

[amalthia]

I know what you mean. :) It's good to know that someone looks forward to my posts. I have an appointment tomorrow. This morning after barely eating breakfast and almost sick to my stomach at the thought of eating more I realized that I can't keep putting off seeing a professional. I think the worst is I have this low grade nausea when I'm anxious. If I cry too much I end up throwing up. My body does not like stress at all.

oof

[talking_sock]

FWIW, I also look forward to your posts, even when you aren't rec'ing :-) I'm just not keeping up well right now since work has been very hard this summer.

I'm glad you're going to see someone. I have taken meds on and off for years now, and they helped a lot. Interestingly, when I was moping about not getting any comments here, I was off them. It exacerbates small things into anxiety, for sure.

Hugs.

Re: oof

[amalthia]

I've noticed that too when I'm down the small things get to me so much more than they should. I'm just glad I'm feeling more like myself today. I'm hoping my upcoming vacation will help too.

Lately, I haven't known what to post. and with summer I find myself spending more time outdoors and Tumblr is easier to engage in fandom with the like button and reblog. At DW/LJ I have to write my thoughts down and that's sometimes hard.

But if I had to post about my fandom summer it would be all the squee about Avengers, Teen Wolf, and Thor. :)

Re: oof

[blnchflr]

I think being outside is really important, when you tend towards depression, and so is minimizing stress - so if you're outside, and on Tumblr, instead of inside, and on DW/LJ, good for you :)

Re: oof

[amalthia]

Exercise certainly helps. :)